This is a funny story, but at the same time it illustrates a problem not addressed by the humor:
This recently hired pilot fish is trying to improve security by installing security cables to lock each laptop to a desk. That's simple enough, right?
So IT locks each laptop to a desk to prevent theft. Ok... but that also completely destroys the rationale for getting a laptop in the first place. The point is mobility, both inside the office and outside of it. If your plan is to lock them down, just get desktop machines and flatscreen monitors - it will be less expensive, and easier to upgrade.
It's things like this that lead the user community to just shake their heads at the ideas that flow down from management and IT...